Tests, fear, news

While having my check up it was noticed I needed a colonoscopy. One of my tests was positive and required follow-up. I contacted the doctor and arranged the time. I took the awful pills for the prep. I drank the awful amount of liquid for them to work. I had a sleepless night of up and down to the bathroom. When I arrived at the outpatient admitting I realized how frightened I was. I could be preparing to find out there was a tumor growing. I could have Chron's disease or another inflammatory process. I was scared. After shedding the clothes and applying the hospital apparel I knew the next hour was out of my control. I did not like being the one rolled down the hall for a test. I did not like wondering about the diagnosis to come because I knew it could be life changing. I began wondering about seeing my children graduate. Seeing my son play football. Watching my husband turn more gray. As they rolled me into the endoscpy room all of my nursing co-workers were there to wish me well. I was still afraid. The medication took effect and soon I was unaware of the procedure being performed. My results were a gift. A normal colon. No tumor. I was so relieved and thankful. I was going to live. As I warmed all over to my good news it occurred to me the many times a person does not hear the same words as myself. They must face surgery, chemo, life changing decisions and feel afraid for a long time. I am humbled as I think how I have helped preform many procedures on many individuals. I am humbled as I know the racing of their heart, the anxious worry, loss of control and knowing in a few moments the truth will be known be it good or bad. Traffic did not seem so slow today. My house did not seem so messy. The clothes were not a bother to wash. I was given a gift that changed my life, good news.