This is not fun.

Ok, so I had my ACL reconstruction surgery Monday. Everything went really well. I didn't have post-op nausea and the femoral nerve block kept my knee nice and numb...until yesterday afternoon. Then, I started to realize, my knee. The weight of the brace, the unsteadiness of crutches has definitely challenged my constitution. I think about the pain of cancer patients, the hopelessness, the worry if the pain can be fully controlled, there may not be the light at the end of the tunnel. As I sit in this Lazyboy recliner this morning, I feel so frustrated that I could not scramble the eggs, fry the bacon, cook the biscuits. My daughter had to make my cup of coffee. I miss hopping up to wash clothes, change sheets, clean a bathroom, water my plants. I miss free movement without the reminder of pain and soreness. I have had my pity party. I have felt sorry for myself. I have wished a hundred times that I had not chosen that slope. I have regretted. I have cried. Today, I hope the pain will start to diminish. I am counting the days until my knee can weight bear again. I have a new appreciation for my son. He never complained, I have. He never did the pity party, I mailed invitations to mine. He never did the what if stuff, I am still wishing. I hope I feel better today. I hope I can make it to our son's induction into the Honor Society tommorrow night. I miss picking our daughter up from cheerleading practice and gymnastics. I will do my exercises, take my medicine and keep my eyes on the horizon of recovery. I was having so much fun when I hurt my knee and I want to have fun again.