Do you know where your orange boundary markers are?

Parents who struggle with boundaries, are often dealing with issues within themselves. Issues like wanting their child or teenager to always like them, wanting them to be happy, avoiding conflict at all costs. Whenever an opportunity comes up for my teenagers, I look at the basics first. Is this a safe idea? Is this a rational opportunity? Who all is involved? Is it an opportunity for growth and trust? I have faced situations with our teenagers where their friends are basically allowed to do whatever they want to do. Their parents are wanting to keep the peace and keep the happiness of their children. Happiness is a choice for individuals. It is not my responsibility to assure my child's happiness in all situations. It is my responsibility to teach safety in choices, honesty, realistic expectations, mature gratification versus immature impulses and above all of these issues is love. I love my teenager enough to say NO. I love my teenager enough to know what is going on in their opportunities so I can make an informed decision. With each step toward maturing freedom there are essentials along the way that cannot be misplaced, like honesty, trust, and open communication. If your teenager or child is involved in relationships that are constantly challenging your expectations and boundaries, it is time to sit down and take a long hard look at what is going on. Are there noticeable changes regarding your teenager? What are the power struggles going on? Has this relationship damaged trust and honesty? What are the consequences? This is a crucial time in your relationship with your child. The issues must overflow with love and concern, not control and demands. If you haven't been involved in your child's life until there are obvious problems, then you are in trouble. If you placed your fence way beyond your property line....then moving it to the correct position is going to take time and effort. And ask yourself, would your build your home without knowing where your property line ends and begins? I don't think so. I think we consider it important to know where to start the foundation of our home....and the footers better be within the orange markers or we are going to have a hard time explaining, in court, why we made such a mistake. Why...do we parents have such a hard time claiming the boundaries for our children? Do we really want to mow everyone's grass? Do I really want my neighbor mowing my grass? It may not meet my expectations. Too short, too long, too messy. Take the time. Mark your territory. Walk the lines. Point them out. It is too risky to not know.