This empty nest thing.

Everyone keeps on asking me, "what are you going to do when both your kids are in college this fall?" Well, to be honest, I have no idea. I hope I will still be working, breathing, eating, living some sort of life after they are gone. And, it is a completely new stage of life for me. I have been a mother for 20 years now. Something that I no idea how to do when they laid our first born in my arms. I don't remember feeling overwhelmed or unsure...I just felt the most unbelievable thankfulness and love. For once words can't explain the fullness of those two moments. The motherhood thing is really a journey. Often I have said it isn't for the weak of heart. But I cannot say that anything in this physical earth has given more pleasure than having children. So back to the empty nest thing. I remember leaving our son at college....it was the most wonderful...sad...exciting...tiring thing I had done. The trip home consisted of sobs from my daughter...who was wondering what life would be like without her big brother at home, school or church. Life was going to be different. I was fine until he came home for the first time and went back Sunday afternoon. When he hugged me goodbye and pulled out of the drive I sobbed. I simply sat in his room and cried. I have planned meals around cheer leading practice, ballgames, dances, schoolwork, dates, friends, trips...and even taken food to where ever they were. I have made cookies at 12MN, run to Hastings, run to Sonic, picked up friends, made endless beds on the floor for sleepovers, stood in line for XBOX, stood in line for Hello Kitty boom box, searched for the perfect bat, guitar, dress, shoes, car, purse. Listened to angry explanations when my decisions were not fair..asked for forgiveness when I messed up...watched a million times for the familiar headlights to turn the corner headed for home..fell asleep praying for their safety and wisdom..drove to ballgames...movies...malls...school. Bought school supplies...looked at every store for that notebook she or he had to have...football cleats...cheer shoes. Washed the bathtub ring left from a rainy, muddy football player....wiped the tears from an exhausted cheerleader picked up from camp. Waited endless hours for practice to end...wondering if my supper would burn. Yes, this thing called mother. Yes, this thing called the empty nest. Someone asked me yesterday what I would do different...I don't really know. Why? Because, I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing than wondering what I will do when both of my kids are gone to college this fall. I guess I will find out....because I had no idea what being a mother was going to be and I have loved every...single...bit. And my heart will never be empty...I'll just make more room for the next thing.