I hate goodbyes

I have just recently discovered something about myself . I really hate saying goodbye or watching someone leave . I wonder why ? Troubling my mind since I have discovered this revealing fact about myself . I am resentful at times about this . I feel the edges starting to become sharper around my heart . The tightening in my throat as I try to swallow my tears . I wonder why ? I guess I could blame this flaw on my parents , as this seems to be the going trend . I could try to remember a traumatic event in my childhood that I am suppressing . It could be my nursing experiences that have wharped my sense of letting go . I could be......... just me . As I have been swirling this condition around in my head , it occurred to me that maybe I am just being me . Okay , so I don't think it is one of my favorite parts in my personality . However , I do treasure people , moments in time , romance , teenagers , laughter , dancing , bedtime , the smell of fresh ,clean skin , eyes that sparkle with clearness , a hand to hold , music , a thick steak , a plate of seafood , sweet tea , and my first cup of coffee . So.... I am going to be the person who has a hard time saying goodbye . I am going to allow myself to feel sad or mad or edgy or just whatever . I am more than the squeaky words I finally am able to speak as I separate from the one I love . I will be the one who will say hello , glad you are home . I will be....me.