So where have I been?

I have been here. Well, sort of. It has been a different summer. My husband has been in rehab for alcoholism. Don't be shocked. Since this story began writing itself, I have found many families with the same chapter content. There are many wonderful people out there who live the life of addiction everyday. It spreads out like a vapor and penetrates the family soil. It may cause fear, numbness, disbelief, anger, loss of hope, loneliness, but it WILL cause pain above all. So you ask, "how are we doing?" We are being truthful. We are seeking truth, answers, knowledge, resources, support and help. What have I wanted? THE TRUTH. Addiction takes the fiber of honesty and destroys it. The garment finally starts to unravel and everyone keeps trying to sew it back on; however, the garment no longer can be worn. It is tattered, torn, there are holes in it, it is faded, it isn't desirable anymore. At some point one must decide that they no longer want to wear this item. It is a process. It cannot happen overnight. It cannot be willed. It cannot be manipulated or controlled. It cannot be persuaded. It cannot be loved into it. I chose to place this item on a hanger. I know it is there everyday. I know it is real. I know it was worn by me, not too terribly long ago. But, I am taking it off. Everyday, I will ask God to wear this cloth of hurt for me. He can wear it and still take the pain for me. He can cover my skin with protection that covers my heart. My family is still here. I still claim my husband. I still claim the hurt and the pain we have been through. But I am also claiming freedom. We have learned the truth about this disease. My children have learned the truth. I feel so released. I feel so hopeful. I feel so thankful. I am blessed to walk this journey. I have been given a gift. I can help someone take their garment of shame, hurt, hopelessness and put it on the hanger. It will never fit again. Where have I been? I've been here.