Resolving conflicts with teenagers without anger.

It is crucial to navigate through the teenager years learning how to respond and make teachable moments regarding conflicts that will arise. I had someone tell me her child has never talked back to her, not one time. Now, as wonderful as that may sound, and I am not promoting disrespectful talking, I am concerned with how healthy this may be. The thing I have learned in life...you cannot always agree, and if you do, you had better check yourself. A teenager that doesn't express dismay, hurt, anger, frustration, confusion and whatever else, may be stuffing their true feelings down, numbing with substances or risky behaviour. This is not good. I want my children to stand up and know what they stand for and believe in. They must be able to bounce their opinions, choices, options, and opportunities off of we parents or else we cannot use these times to develope character and life living attributes. The passageway of the teenager years will or should stretch our parenting skills inorder to show us what WE need to work on and what areas our young people need help in growing. I try to listen completely to what my teenager is asking, saying or questioning. That means NO INTERRUPTING. It teaches respect if we parents do not interrupt. It validates the teenagers selfworth if we hear the story out to the very end. Second, NEVER act like you know more than you actually do. That is being deceitful. We want to teach honesty. Third, if you don't know enough about the situation, tell them you will find out and give them a time frame to get back with them. Be dependable about the time frame. That teaches trust. Fourth, always ask them the whys, hows, whos, and wheres. Don't make exceptions about this info. If it changes it is their responsibility to let you know. This teaches maturity. Fifth, state your concerns with love. Teenagers crave love from their parents. They want to do the right things and be noticed for it. They want forgiveness when wrong. They never should wonder if our love is based on performance. TELL THEM. This teaches them mercy and grace and we all need these two things in our lives. Sixth, tell them thank you. "Thank you for sharing, asking and involving me in your life. It makes me feel special and proud that you can talk to me about anything." This keeps them coming back for more and that's what we want.