Do you want your children to respect you? Earn it!

I heard a mother complaining about her daughter not being respectful. I listened to the story. Respect. Such a huge word today. I have heard older parents proclaim, "if my kid talked to me that way, they would be up against the wall after I slapped their face." Shows great parenting skills, don't you think? Complete loss of control. As I continued to listen to her ordeal, I started forming my own conclusion about this situation. Parents sometimes have this respect thing all backwards. Respect is earned and taught through example. This is crucial here. A parent cannot demand respect from a child. Did you read that? RESPECT CANNOT BE DEMANDED, IT MUST BE EARNED AND LEARNED. How do you and you spouse address each other at home? Do you use degrading words? Controlling, manipulative words? What about your tone? Does it sound kind? Does it sound like you really care? What about your own personal respect? Is the atmosphere of your home tempered with compassionate words fueled by a genuine love. If you want to lose respect with your children, then let them see you being selfish, greedy, controlling. One of the heartaches from my childhood was how my dad treated my oldest brother. We had one car and my father would promise my brother the car for a Friday night date and then forget while out visiting church members. I can still see my brother watching from the den window, praying dad would be home, so he didn't have to cancel his date. My father never understood the anger of my brother. He thought my brother should accept the lateness since he was visiting people for Jesus. Now, if there is one constant principle throughout the Jesus I know, it is being dependable for all things. And I just can't see Jesus putting himself first, over his son. As my older brother grew, so did his anger towards our dad. My dad wasn't good at apologizing. LEARN TO APOLOGIZE. Back to the mother and the disrespect thing....when asked my opinion, I simply stated..."if your language at home is like the language I hear you speak...and if you treat your daughter the way you allow your husband to treat you....then she has no idea what respect means." Now before you think me judgmental....let me be the first to tell you I have made mistakes here as well. But, the beginning of earning respect from someone, especially your children, starts with....looking at oneself and seeing if you can respect the person in the mirror.