Letting go does not mean giving up.

This is what I know. When someone you know is dealing with addiction, you must let go of trying to control their behaviour, their anger, their needs, their end results. I cannot imagine how a parent feels when they finally accept the fact that their child, whether young or old, has a problem with drugs, alcohol or food. I am sure there is a tremendous amount of grief, guilt and what ifing. Anger is a protective emotion. When the addicted loved one is angry with you, they are sending the anger they fill towards themselves to you because that is the easiest way to justify their position of blaming everyone else for their bad choices. I have heard it all. From constant chronic pain suffering, abuse, abandonment, emotional pain, death, divorce, confusion and simply not answering a child's questions or needs. I realize addictive behaviours run deep within family bloodlines. It isn't something to be ashamed of, sweep under the rug or feel embarrassed about. It is a real disease process that kills as many people as other known diseases such as cancer. I want to offer encouragement to those effected by addiction. I want to offer gratitude for knowing about this illness. Gratitude comes from appreciating life through One who can be counted on to lift you up, carry you, love you, comfort you and give you the peace that cannot be understood by unbelievers. First, you must take care of yourself. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Stop the rollercoster ride. Unbuckle. 1.Step off and let the addicted love one continue on their ride while you move on to a more stable walk. How do you do this? Do not subject yourself to verbal confrontation when your loved one is messed up. 2.Set boundaries for what you will allow yourself to go through. Be honest with them when they are straight. Example, "I will not eat dinner with you when you have been drinking because your language bothers me." Let me be clear...this is for adult children, not young people. That is totally different. Respect yourself enough to protect your feelings and desires. 3. Do not fix things. Be honest. Do not cover or rationalize someones addictive behaviour. That is lying. Teach your children honesty. Explain what you can to your children according to their age and understanding. So make sure your relationship with your children isn't suffering, regardless of what the addicted person is doing. 4. Hold your head up. You are not responsible for their poor decisions, judgement. This is really hard. Especially if they are arrested. Lose their job. BUT, THESE THINGS ARE ACTUALLY OPPORTUNITIES. When you allow someone to trip over their own pair of shoes and fall...there is no one to blame but themselves. Sometimes lying on one's face causes them to FACE their problem for the first time. 5. Ask for help. Find a support group. It may be Al non. It may be a prayer group from church. It may be another person who has similar circumstances. It should always be God first. Get a notebook and write down all your feelings to God. It will clarify and help you release junk. 6. Find real joy. Joy cannot be based on your situation. The joy I have come to know about does not change because it comes from within my heart. It isn't based on what other people do. It is mine to protect, nurture, grow and release to others. Spend time in the Word. Prayer. Spend time doing something that makes you feel good. Finally, you can still love your sick loved one while they are falling apart, angry, running or jumping. You must love them enough to say you have had enough. That doesn't mean to forget them. You still remember them daily, but you must love them enough to let them trip over their own pair of shoes. Stop running ahead to grab them up and stop the fall. Falling hard is most often the softest landing to recovery. Leave those shoes right where they take them off and put your own shoes in the closet.