Surviving relapse with your loved one.

Graduation, birthdays, celebrations, special moments, can be any thing but a celebration for your loved one battling alcoholism. In fact, if your loved one is struggling in any way this can be a golden opportunity to fall apart. With my husband, there is an enormous amount of guilt associated with holidays and celebrations. As our son's graduation neared so did my husband's spiral of regression. Dwelling on guilt, poor choices, selfishness and just plain ole wanting a drink of Jack Daniels Whiskey took control. What I have learned? I have learned to make the most of every day whether or not my husband chooses to drink or not. During our son's graduation stuff I simply kept on being the best I could be for our son and daughter and to make memories of the good and be honest about the bad stuff, while continuing to involve my husband in the family activities. It isn't any one's fault but the addict or alcoholic when they choose to drink again or use again. Do not stop celebrations because of this tendency. We don't drink socially so our parties have never involved alcohol so if yours do you might need to look at changing that aspect, but that is your call. I have learned to be completely honest with family, friends, and especially our children. Do not hide from your children the truth. Now you do not have to give every detail, but do tell the truth. It is not their imagination that daddy or mommy is different, mean, sleeping too much....give clear, concise answers appropriate for their age. I told our teenagers early on that I sensed their father falling apart. Not to prevent it from occurring, but to prepare them. My experience is children learn respect and trust when adults are honest, even about the hard stuff. Also, have a support system in place for these times. Friends who love and care for you want to listen, help and simply just be there for you. Do not feel alone. I share with friends at church who I know care for my family and my husband. I ask them to pray for us. I don't hide because to me when I pull everything out into the light it doesn't have the chance to run and hide in the dark and catch me off guard. I can see it and know what it is. Relapse doesn't mean all is lost. It can mean another victory at staying sober. It can mean another long road of using again. What is doesn't mean is your life and joy stops because your loved one has fallen off. Claim joy and peace during the tough times. Say your favourite scripture verse over and over. God doesn't leave us, EVER. Continue to take care of yourself. A pedicure. A haircut. A new pair of shoes. Plant a few flowers. If you don't have enough money for such....ask a dear friend to walk the block with you and share your story. Look at a fresh cut field of hay this summer and be thankful. Stand in the rain and let it soak you. Work hard in the yard and sweat. Remember you are more than this relapse. You are a creation God loves and do not let resentment and contempt overtake your hope for your loved to be set free one day. Now that's a celebration. Blessings.