Advice on parenting teenagers.

Someone asked me to write about teenagers and parenting them. Well, first of all I am not an expert. Just ask my two kids. Second, parenting is a journey, a process. The most important ingredient of parenting is love.
1. Teenagers are looking for real people. Don't be a fake parent. Live what you say and believe in what you do.
2. Be honest. Admit your mistakes. This is HUGE.
3. Ask them to forgive you.
4. Stay involved. Go to school functions, whether your child is a participant or spectator.
5. Know their friends. KNOW them. Open your home. Provide food. Don't hover. Just be there.
6. Look for opportunities to teach. NEVER LECTURE. Lectures are for teachers at school.
7. Stay checked-in. Keep reminders to keep you on your toes about social events, school fees, parent meetings, end of semesters, projects due, stressful times with increased activities.
8. Know what they are good at doing. Organizing, sports, creative, introvert, extrovert, math, English, building, cleaning, socializing.
9. LISTEN. Did you hear that? Listen. That means not interrupting. This builds respect.
10. Wait. After listening to the details, facts, then pray for wisdom and wait. Taking time will save you frustration and anger.
11. Consequences. Be up front with what you expect from them. Being safe, honest, trustworthy. These are never an option. If broken there should be such a bond with you and your teenager that they know what to expect from you when rules are broken. Teenagers do not like knee jerk reactions from parents. They love stability even if it means they are in trouble.
12. Be available. This builds trust. Teach your teenager that they are your gift and concern. Be there for them regardless of the circumstances. Let them know they can always call for help. Asking for help is hard to do, so take it seriously if they call. It doesn't mean you rescue from consequences...it means you will be there for them.
13. Learn to have meals together. This means no texting, no phone calls, no reading...parents. It is more important for us to show our teenager matters during the meal than for us to demand them to stop. I ask mine to stop, but if they really don't want to I accept that and I tell them I am thrilled just to have them with us to eat. Many times it isn't about making them stop something...it's about meeting them in their territory to validate their worthiness.
14. Look for opportunities to reward them for maturity. Being on time for curfew. Let them stay at a dance a little longer when they call asking permission. Letting them drive to farther places. Always look for the positive in them and be specific. They know if it is fake. So be frank and real about this. Don't fluff them if it isn't deserved. This step requires involvement for parents. You must be in their lives to keep up with this one.

15. LOVE. I am leaving this for last. Not because it is the least important, in fact, it is the most important. Teach them love. Through every action, decision, word, consequence...show love for them. How? God loved us so much that he gave his only son for us. We are to love our children with a sacrificial love that cannot be moved, changed, tainted or conditioned by the world. Love is active, involved, passionate, concerned, tough, vulnerable, fearful, overwhelming...but, everyday we are to give our teenager to God. Lift them up specially. Cover them in God's grace, mercy, wisdom like Soloman, protection and to follow God's plan for their life. Nothing else matters if our teenager does not have a relationship with Christ. Jesus loved people into his arms of redemption. We must love our children into God's presence.

So maybe you are thinking these things only require the effort from the parents. And you are exactly right. We are to be the adults here and take the steps to build bridges for our teenagers to walk across. Parenting isn't making sure they have money to spend, car to drive, college funds, designer clothing...it is knowing our child well enough to see hurt on their face, anger in their heart, rejection from friends, confusion about life, pain from poor choices, exhaustion from being overwhelmed, depression from feeling hopeless, excitement from life and being the same through it all....THERE, READY, OPEN ARMS, OPEN HEART. The prodigal son's dad NEVER stopped looking across the fields for his son to come home. We must be in the field.