Pink Elephants

A friend of mine told me her marriage may not make it. She is very distressed and confused. Marriage can be great, good, bad, or horrible. As I am listening to her story and trying to find the words for comfort it occured to me she could no longer jump over the pink elephant that was sitting in her living room. These elephants come along at all stages of life. They began in a person's childhood and are tucked away for no one to see. It is considered embarrassing to allow an elephant to reside in one's home for it becomes too large and causes a mess that can no longer be cleaned up. She has come to a point where the elephant is trying to come outside for the world to see. Pink elephants usually start with insecure childhoods, lack of trust, abuse of any kind, confusion in the home, poor boundaries, poor communication, denial, alcholism, depression, conditional love. So you are thinking that everyone has these things in some shape or form. A child learns coping skills to survive what seems unbearable or too confusing. These coping skills work while at home because it is a conditioned environment that gives the desired effect. These children grow up and exit into the real world and still seem to be functioning just fine; however, these new people in their world don't know to jump over the elephant. This causes stress and anger, for these people are held together by their learned behaviour. Problems come and go and can be easily blown off or hidden until there is an intimate relationship. These people cannot handle closeness because then you see and know. They appear so strong, together, successful, and solid. Now, life is more than just about them so they must find other ways to cope. They must run from true relationships because they don't know what to do with their elephant. To run they use drugs, drink, avoid family, avoid meanful conversations, resent accountability, refuse responsibility, and hang the ones who love them with strings. Soon their life starts to fall apart because the elephants have overtaken time, space and resources. Their need has become greater than the need for life. The elephant must be fed at whatever the cost. The cost includes embarrassment for the family and children, physical and mental abuse, financial loss, endangerment of others, poor impulse control. Finally, the choice to stay is too big for there is no room to live or be. I am sad today. I think of the precious children whose parents are so gone they are stick people who cannot withstand the pressures of life. These children wait in awkward anticipation to see their parent break and fall apart. Each time they wonder if the sticks can be glued back together. Remember how these enormous elephants are held by a small chain and bracelet around their foot? When we have pink elephants they have the chain on us and we can only go so far until the elephant starts yanking and pulling us back into the mess. Until the pain of staying sick is greater than the pain of changing we keep jumping over the elephant hoping we can still make it over the hump.