Concerned not consumed.

How do you survive having a loved one with a life controlling problem? By the grace of God. But, I will write about a few specific things that have helped me and my children.

1. The only person you can control is YOU.
2. Setting boundaries for your home, relationships and expectations are essential.
3. Carrying out consequences when boundaries are broken is crucial.
4. You are battling the problem, addiction, behaviour....the person is still valued by God.
5. Be honest. With yourself, your spouse, your children, your family, your friends. Dishonesty breeds shame and shame keeps things in the dark.
6. Stop cleaning up the messes. If you keep moving the pink elephant, your loved one is never going to run smack dab into the real problem and that is the beginning of hope.
7. It is normal to become angry but anger will only keep you from finding the peace that is so important to being content in all your circumstances.
8. Keep structure in your home. How you may ask? Do not let your loved one's behaviour dictate your household schedule. That is like letting a two year old decide what you will eat for dinner every night. It won't be healthy.
9. Find joy in all things. No I am not crazy. I have two of the most wonderful teenagers. I thank the Lord everyday for them. I am grateful for my husband's disease because it has taught me about faith and hope. I love a fresh rain and the feel of wet grass. I love our two dogs. I am so thankful for my job as a nurse. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful that even in the darkest of situations...I felt the presence of God lift me and my children up beyond what I even expected. I am thankful for loving someone enough to hate the sin that is controlling them but to be called to learn about the love the Father has for us. A love that caused an earthy father to keep watching across his fields of pasture....looking for the return of his rebellious son. We are called to offer that kind of love. It cannot be explained...it must be a choice.
10. Hope. We must never give up on hope. It is like the green bud that shoots up from the soil. Hope in all things. I cannot believe that God gives up. I believe He keeps looking across the field...everyday waiting for whoever needs to come back home for forgiveness and redemption.
11. Be concerned with your loved one but do not let it consume your life. Leave that to God. He never grows weary, doesn't sleep, keeps holding on, never lets go. Concern. Not consumed.